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There's
No Hell!
Oy
Vey! We Jews don't believe in Hell, Satan, or Holy water. What
is
all of this Mishegas? As crazy as it may seem, at the end of a
long day of davening at the schul, I drink Holy Spring Water
because
it tastes great and quenches my thirst ...better than Manishevitz.
If it tastes great, and may protect me from a vampire or two,
why
not drink it? "It coidant hoit!"
A
rabbi and a minister decided to buy a new car together. The day
after they bought it, the rabbi found the minister driving it. The
minister explained that he had just gone to the carwash because,
in his religion, it is customary to welcome a new member with the
rite of baptism. The next day, the minister discovered the rabbi
cutting the end off the tailpipe.
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A
rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both
cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of the clerics
is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the
priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi.
Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt.
This must be a sign from G-d. G-d must have meant that we should
meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely." "This
must be a sign from G-d." The rabbi continues, "And look
at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished
but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely G-d wants
us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then
he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few
big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes
the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the
priest. The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?" The
rabbi replies, "No ...I think I'll wait for the police.
The
devil hates Holy Water because of its power over him. He cannot
long abide in a place or near a person that is often sprinkled with
blessed water.
A
Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has been
given a part in the school play. "Wonderful," says the
mother, "What part is it?" The boy says "I play the
part of the Jewish husband!" The mother scowls and says: "Go
back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part!!" .
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Why
didn't you become a doctor like your brother?
Wash
away your thirst and your guilt with Holy Spring Water™
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No,
shrimp wrapped in bacon is NOT kosher, even at a Bar Mitzvah!
But
it goes well with our spring water. Wash away your thirst and
your guilt with Holy Spring Water™
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